We went to a family member’s party where I didn’t know over half of the people there and hardly knew any of the family there.

I never want to go to another one of those again. Partly social anxiety I guess, partly I guess because any closeness I might have had with my family if any, is long lost. I don’t know. Being out of our comfort zone with Sarah is not fun either. I’m fine having people over at my own house, in mine and Sarah’s own comfort zone, even if I don’t know everyone who comes I’m fine and can be a good host and sociable (like Ty’s going away party where his friends families and some of his dad’s girlfriend’s family came). But elsewhere, forget it.

We only stayed an hour, but at least we made an appearance, I guesss. Sarah wanted to hold hands and walk back and forth through my aunt’s house the whole time, but about the time she started trying to smack people and grab their food, we were done.

Well, I talked most to my uncle, my cousin, and aunt and her friend. Exchanged a few words with another cousin, a few with another cousin (thought I don’t know her well enough to even think of her as my cousin), very minimal with anyone else, hello and bye to my grandmother who I hadn’t seen in ages, her daughter who is my step-aunt I don’t know well, and her teen daughter who was nice with Sarah. We said hello and bye to my aunt’s husband on the way out.  I didn’t know any of the kids there.

I just feel like I don’t fit in there at all. My mom and her husband didn’t show. Maybe they didn’t even know about it. None of my other cousins ever come to these things. My sis is in TN so of course I miss her and my niece and nephew, who should all be suffering through these family things along with me.  My daughter Jamie, poor girl didn’t know any of the kids there. I tried to create an opening for her to meet them but that didn’t work. I never thought of Jamie as shy. Usually she isn’t, but I guess she was also out of her element. Ugh. This happens about once a year MAYBE, and it’s the same every time.